It's on like donkey kong









Quotes & Convos
Quotes or Conversations that I think are worth remembering


  • [ 9-27-08 ]
    Chris's Birthday Party
    If you put anything between bread, it's a sandwich
    -Lauren and culinary philosophy
    I'm gonna go....investigate my pants
    -Chris, discovering his pen leaked


  • [ 8-29-08 ]
    Me: I s'pose so...
    Bryan: esposo... yo quiero un esposo..*thinks*.. esposa?
    Chris: Freudian slip?
    Bryan: Latvian jerk...


  • [ 5-19-08 ]
    A fine example of upper class conversation


  • [ 5-18-08 ]
    Sarah F: so i watched snl in high depth on a huge flat screen
    Me: high depth you say?
    Sarah F: si so you can see all of the peoples wrinkles
    Me: can you also see very far into the picture?

    -On advanced viewing technologies


  • [ 2-8-08 ]
    Sarah F: I could probably eat a house made out of sugar right now
    Me: What a ridiculous house that would be
    Me: you'd never get the permits
    Sarah F: That would be an amazing house
    Sarah F: what are you talking about
    Sarah F: so long as it did not rain
    Me: I don't think it would pass inspection
    Sarah F: if i lived in a house made of sugar i would lick it every morning when i woke up
    Sarah F: therefore it would not last very long
    Sarah F: but as much as i want sugar, i also want my waistline to go down
    Me: That would just look disproportionately silly
    Me: you'd have a huge torso and tiny legs


  • [ 2-1-08 ]
    On the topic of England's remaining influence over Canada

    Jason: Technically, the Queen can still veto things. There's this guy, the General....uh..General something, uhh....
    Janna: General Manager?

    Canada, the retail discount super center of the world


  • [ 12-30-07 ]
    Another game of risk at Bryan's house...

    Bryan feels threatened by Jason's new positioning on the board (Jason is the black army)
    Jason: But I'm the goodies! (pointing out that he occupies North America)
    Bryan: ... you're black.
    Bryan: ... crap, I did it again [see quote from 8-18-06]. I meant to imply that black usually represents darkness and bad, not good... oy.

    About 10 minutes later

    Me: Black is by definition evil... oops, I did it too

    Risk makes people racist.

    This game also saw the formation of the EuroCanadian Pact of 10:44
    There shall be a truce along the African and EurAsian border between Jason and Kenny. Jason will not attack Kenny across this border in order to end his sole ownership of Europe. In return, Kenny, who occupies Greenland, agrees not to amass forces in this country. If Jason takes control of Greenland, Kenny may then retake control and amass forces at any time.

    The truce along the EurAsian/African border will become nullified if either party loses control of their positions on their respective borders. The agreement regarding Greenland is voided if Jason takes control of Greenland.

    Otherwise, according to the sunset clause, this pact will not expire until 6 full cycles of gameplay has been completed. Upon a breach of these terms prior to the completion of 6 cycles or the occurence of the aforementioned exceptions, both parties forfeit control of the world to Bryan.


  • [ 12-26-07 ]
    um...wow. I have no idea what I was about to say... but for some reason I think I was going to say 'eskimo'. So yeah... uh.. eskimo... and have a nice day...
    -Bryan, at the end of a phone conversation


  • [ 12-3-07 ]
    Thank you so much for asking a question. It can take a lot of guts to do that sometimes, because it exposes some kind of.... ignorance, on our part. So for that, I applaud you.
    -A presenter at work, on backhanded compliments...


  • [ 7-5-07 ]
    Playing Mario Golf

    Michelle: OO! Is that a hole in one?!
    Bryan: Well that would be pretty impressive considering it was your second shot...

    -The second shot missed too


  • [ 7-5-07 ]
    For some reason we were discussing the different terms used in lineage (1st vs 2nd cousin, once removed, etc)...

    Other Kenny: It's basically just so you can define who it's legal to marry
    Me: They actually made it legal to marry your 1st cousin in Cali a few years ago
    Michelle: Wow... I'll never look at my cousins the same way again

    -On new possibilities...


  • [ 6-3-07 ]
    Iowa.... I totally forgot that was a state
    -Ben, my sister's boyfriend


  • [ 6-07 ]
    I'm drunked riht noow
    -text message from Mathel, celebrating graduation


  • [ 3-28-07 ]
    Me: did you dress sluttier for vegas
    Mathel: haha, not really
    Mathel: thats prolly as slutty as it gets
    Mathel: dude my legs were like EXPOSED okay
    Mathel: Annnd my arms
    Mathel: and that top was like v-neck too
    Mathel: THATS slutty to me
    Mathel: dammit
    Me: haha ok, fine, good job slut
    Mathel: like classy slutty
    Mathel: HAHAH
    Me: LOL
    Mathel: my boobs and ass werent hanging out or anything
    Mathel: thats trashy slutty
    Me: I'll give you that mathel, you are one classy slut
    Mathel: was i just trying to convince u that i looked like a slut
    Me: lo' bit
    Mathel: yeesh.
    Mathel: vegas got to me


  • [ 3-9-07 ]
    Adam: I had an idea....
    Me: Well that was a mistake
    Adam: Haha, I know, I'm regretting it already!
    Adam: .......I don't remember what it was


  • [ 3-4-07 ]
    It's today now, right?
    -Canada, at around 1 AM


  • [ 11-14-06 ]
    There's no way I can mess this up
    -Canada, before he makes an easy pool shot and the cue ball follows right into the pocket...


  • [ 9-2-06 ]
    What is that, water? I don't want that
    -Janna out drinking


  • [ 9-1-06 ]
    ...You look like you're about to mass murder someone...
    -Jason (Canada) to Mark. Just re-read it and think about it...


  • [ 8-29-06 ]
    Possibly the worst first day of school ever: Conversation


  • [ 8-18-06 ]
    Bryan Laws once again puts his stamp on this list. A group of us got together for Risk, and he graced us with a two-fer.

    Early in the game, Bryan's army was already looking hopeless.
    Me: Hey, you've got three cards there don't you..
    Bryan: Yeah, that's right, kick me in the face before I do anything.

    Chris, offering strategy advice: Maybe you should try a new endeavor in America.
    Bryan: There's too many black people there.
    (...I had the black army...)


  • [ July 06 ]
    Some person, sarcastically: Well you look like the life of the party
    Michelle, sitting sleepily between Kenny H. and myself: I'm in a Kenny-sandwich, that's my party.


  • [ 5-18-06 ]
    The arab jewed me!
    -Ryan at Cobblestone, after he was only given one ketchup packet with his fries


  • [ 5-18-06 ]
    My spine is falling off!
    -Once again..... Bryan Laws


  • [ 5-6-06 ]
    Blast! ...i've been soiled!
    -Bryan.... apparently needing a change of pants...
    What I'm not really sure of... normally I'd think he soiled himself... but he said he's been soiled in such a way that it could mean someone else soiled him....


  • [ 3-31-06 ]
    Women's history month has come and gone and nobody noticed. Maybe next year it should wear a lower cut top
    -Stephen Colbert


  • [ 3-25-06 ]
    Fun doesn't matter if you suck
    -Christian, watching a video of a kid "playing" drums


  • [ 3-14-06 ]
    This is actually really old, from Pete & Pete, but it's new to me:
    New rule onboard.... passengers must refrain from KILLING MY SOUL
    -Driver Stu


  • [ 3-13-06 ]
    I went back to California....saw my family and friends... played some pool... scratched a lot of balls
    -Bryan, describing his Christmas break.


  • [ 1-9-06 ]
    I'm doing science! Leave me alone!
    -Ryan, reflecting light off a nickel and a knife


  • [ 1-5-06 ]
    Kenny, It has been a pleasure working with you. The many hours I spent as your colleague bring back floods of memories. Like the time I copied report 25-6005-01. Oh the memories...Though you were absent from the mailroom in body any time I happened to be there, you were present in spirit. But all things must come to end, as the poet says (and other people I suppose). Drop me a proverbial line sometime. Maybe we'll see more of each other now that I'm quitting. Peace, Adam
    It's funny because I actually have seen more of him since he quit working at the same place as me.


  • [ 12-11-05 ]
    Kenny: sup
    Mathel: I dont know if there is a correlation but I felt a sharp pain in my head right when u im-ed


  • [ 11-26-05 ]
    This is a double quote. We were playing boulderdash, but just by using a dictionary and some blank paper (pick a word from dictionary, everyone makes up a definition and you try to guess which is the right one). Remember, you're trying to trick everyone into thinking your made-up definition is the real one.
    Well I think Bryan's definitions were the best:

    Prarie Schooner - "One who schoons while standing in a prarie"
    White-livered - "A new variety of pine cone from the future" (yes.. from the future).


  • [ 11-23-05 ]
    Oh no!! I'm an idiot!
    -Bryan, realizing the sad truth.


  • [ 11-18-05 ]
    Phil: you're a negative person kenny. I should bottle the negative vibes that eminate from you and sell it to the devil.
    Kenny: I want a cut


  • [ 10-26-05 ]
    Kenny: 10 for 10! I pwned that law quiz
    C-Funk: umm... pwned a quiz? ... ... ...
    Kenny: um... yeah
    C-Funk: did you frag it really well? ... orrr...
    Kenny: pwning is not limited to fragging
    C-Funk: no, indeed it isn't ...
    C-Funk: ... but it should be limited to gaming IMO :-P
    Kenny: yes, that is your opinion. And your opinion is wrong
    C-Funk: Well!
    Kenny: have you never felt that you "kicked ass" on a test
    C-Funk: heh... sure, I guess...
    C-Funk: my point is more the fact that you used the word pwned
    C-Funk: :-P
    Kenny: I think it's reasonable to equate "kicking ass" and "pwning"
    Kenny: and your objection to my choice of wording does not destroy the meaning of my statement
    C-Funk: `cept 'pwned' is a stupid word
    C-Funk: ... and that's a good sound argument!
    Kenny: yeah well i think chris is a stupid word
    Kenny: BURNED
    C-Funk: PWNED


  • [ 5-9-2005 ]
    Ness: I'm the RAM!
    Ness: (aries)
    Kenny: you're a dodge truck is what you are
    Ness: Only a texan...
    Kenny: THAT THING GOT A HEMI?
    Ness: would say that.


  • [ Spring 2005 ]
    George Karl's Nuggets are on fire!!
    -ESPN SportsCenter


  • [ 3-25-05 ]
    Went to Hard Times (pool hall) with Alex, Ryan and Clint. When we left, walking to the car, about to go to Denny's, Ryan says to Alex "Hey, we should call Kenny- *looks at me* Oh yeah..."


  • [ Early 2005? ]
    (This is very loosely quoted, I can't remember the exact wording.. but the punchline is correct.)
    "I was going to respond to him, saying how easy I thought it would be... but I ended up combining That's a walk in the park with That's a piece of cake, and I said 'That's a walk in the cake!'"
    -Bryan, at work


  • [ 12-27-04 ]
    "you're weird, but i talk to you anyway. does that make me uncool?"
    -Mathel


  • [ 6-17-04 ]
    "NYEEERRRNK!!.........Hey, a COOKIE!..... I'm gonna eat this cookie!!.......................... awww, I dropped it..."
    -Ryan
    I think you just had to be there


  • [ 3-15-04 ]
    "I don't reccommend opera as a habit. Given the choice between opera and cocaine..... cocaine is probably cheaper"
    -My Philosophy Professor


  • [ 11-18-03 ]
    "Women's role in American Society has changed dramatically over the past century. Social commentators have pointed to many causes for this change. In part, it is attributed to new technologies such as the washing machine, clothes dryer, refrigerator, freezer, and dishwasher..."
    -Nathan's economics text book


  • [ 11-8-03 ]
    Kenny: Janitor Nick. I'm giving you notice of renovations to the site
    Janitor Nick: Do I have to clean up all the dust and crap?
    Janitor Nick: Because that's seriously going to distract from my smoke breaks, my porn breaks and my conjugal visits
    Kenny: no. But I'll need you to keep an eye on the contractors, I don't want them stealing anything
    Janitor Nick: Don't worry, I lifted all the good stuff anyways
    Kenny: I was wondering what happened to that table
    Janitor Nick: oh that wasn't me, that was a roving band of army ants, I watched it, that was messed up


  • [ 10-18-03 ] "Is there a D in college?" - Ryan


  • [ 10-1-03 ] Working on my research paper...
    Kenny: do you suppose it's a bad sign if Detroit was destroyed by a fire and the only information I can find about that is the fact that it happened?
    Nathan: hey man
    Nathan: the records were destroyed by a fire
    Nathan: wise up
    Kenny: what was I thinking
    Kenny: I'll write that in the paper
    Nathan: there you go


  • [ 8-4-03 ] Boredom is fun:
    Nathan: do you think it's possible for one to be so bored that their heart stops beating simply because it isn't interested in keeping you alive anymore?
    Kenny: I wouldn't rule it out
    Nathan: i checked my pulse and i'm down to 3 beats per minute
    Kenny: niiice
    Nathan: i was at 2, but the typing shot it right back up
    .....later.....
    Nathan: i'm freaking excited
    Kenny: did you uh..... stand up?
    Kenny: and walk in a circle?
    Nathan: oh
    Nathan: no
    Nathan: but good idea...
    Nathan: i pet my cat though
    Nathan: it was..... awesome


  • [ 8-4-03 ] After adding a link to the top 10 urinals:
    Kenny: hey janitor
    Janitor Nick: sup my nizzle?
    Kenny: added a link to urinals on my site
    Kenny: thought you should be informed
    Kenny: I don't want any spills....
    Janitor Nick: Urinals... man I love urinals


  • [ 7-30-03
    Kenny: your face is broken
    Kenny: fix it
    Nick R: OH SNAP
    Kenny: kfunk.net needs a janitor
    Kenny: I trust I can count on you?
    Nick R: sure
    Kenny: you don't sound too psyched for the job
    Nick R: GIMME THE JOB NOW WOOOOOOOOOOO
    Kenny: that's the kind of attitude we prefer at team KFunk


  • [ 7-27-03 ] "I've got problems, I just found myself leaning up, trying to look down her shirt." says Phil, while looking at pictures of Kylie and Danni Minogue.


  • [ 7-20-03 ] Phil: "I was like 'Ow, my knee' and my mom said 'you're gonna get used to being on your knees when you're in prison'"


  • [ A While Ago ] This is the conversation between me and my friend that was the inspiration for the Phrase-O-Matic. The spirit of the conversation was derived from a sketch on Whose Line Is It Anyway? (I miss that show). Catch Phrase Convo



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